Navigations are at the top
ABOUT {what i've}
LINKS {been looking for}
DEFINE MY MADNESS{all this time}
Labels: holidaysIn a couple more days, our 'O' levels would be over and our Secondary school life shall come to an end. Whether if it is going to end well or not, everything shall stop. FULL STOP. YES, EVERYTHING.
For the remaining days before my (hopefully)JC life starts, I shall live my life to the fullest, do a makeover and burn my books. Lol, I'm just kidding for the last part.
Since nothing could be done without money, I have decided to work. I haven't found a job yet but I believe that somehow a job would drop down from the sky. Just kidding, right now I am still searching high and low for a suitable one. So, in the midst searching for a job, yes, probably it is time for me to finally, sit down and be a couch potato.
Firstly, I will be going on a holiday with my family to the nearby Gentling Highlands
for 3days. Then, maybe I shall start my movie and drama Marathon while getting my nails done, with Hot Pink?! That would be great, it's been a long time since I have decorate my nails!
Next, I shall be heading to Bangkok!!! My mum had agreed to sponsor me for a shopping spree in Bangkok!! Whee... I swear I would bring like a million dollars there to shop till my legs drop. Whether it is recession or not, I'm going there. No one is going to stop me. Mann...I couldn't wish for more. I love you, mummy!!!!
Okays...these are all the main details but of course there is a lot of things I wanna get done, such as:
1) Getting my hair perm/ rebond (Mummy is sponsoring it!)
2) Learn French
3) Learn cookery
4) Learn a new sport; Tennis/Yoga
5) Open an online shop
6) Read a lot of books
7) Learn more about philosophy
8) Learn about the Art of War
9) Have fine dining.
10)Learn to apply make-up
11)Grow taller through skipping
12)Whiten my whole body
13)Improve my English
last but not least, go on a shopping spree!!
I desperately need my retail therapy!
Why are humans so superficial? Why are we always judging the book by its cover? WHY? WHY!? I m totally fed up with this. So what if you are a babe? U get a boyfriend with better face???!?!?!?!?!?
Reality is, yes, it sure does.
Is it our fault if we aren't born with good looks? Is it our fault if we aren't born with a nice figure? Why must people always rub it in? I m pissed. If they are just so critical then why kant they just sponsor us for plastic surgery. If they don't, just shut. Like seriously, why can't you just shut up and go? Eventually, when you have your face done, what you get is "you're so fake,".
Yes, I m PISSED PISSED PISSED PISSED PISSED PISSED PISSED.
FOR ONCE I SHALL SAY FUCK THE WORLD. FUCK! YES, THIS IS COMING FROM MY MOUTH.YES ME, TAN JIAHUI. LIKE WHAT I HAVE JUST SAID, DON'T JUDGE THE BOOK BY ITS COVER. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, JUST SCRAM.
I KNOW I DON'T HAVE GOOD ENGLISH, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, JUST SCRAM. THANK YOU.
Labels: whoa oh
It has been chaos for the whole week and it should soon to be extended to weeks, or even months. Of course, I hope this would not happen but it is just inevitable. The remaining days to 'O' levels are dwindling and fear just occupies me for I could never turn time around. I am sad to admit that I am procrastinating everyday. It's wrong, morally wrong to let down the teachers that had painstaking taught me, and this makes me guilty. I have changed, I am not the old me, and I don't seem to be in control of myself to change this. It is a sad truth to accept but this is the reality. REALITY! I BLOODLY HATE THIS!
The source of my worries that evokes the feelings in me are obvious. But the waves of feelings that is coursing through my body here and then is not what I could comprehend. Its an unknown mixture of feelings. Never had I felt so much intensity in my heart, never had I felt so helpless and never had I felt so stretched. I felt like a rubber band being stretched and pushed to its limits, almost at its breakdown point, but never does it seem to arrive.
Probably it really did, when a few days ago, I cried. Emotions just exploded like a balloon and uncontrolled tears just streamed down my face without any warning. It was unexpectedly expected. But still, who could have foresee that these tears could escape from their ducts during maths lesson? It was meant to be a relief for my stress but as the tears flowed and smeared on my papers, it just went out of control. No matter how hard I tried to contain myself, by tightening all my muscles and attempts by sheer will to force the tears back into their ducts, it was to no avail. The sniffing rhythm soon gained momentum and sparkled curiosity among the class people who soon turned back and peeked at me. Yes, probably as what Ms Ng said, I m breaking down.
But that was what that seemed to have happened for a long time.
Again, today for what seems to be an ordinary day, has unexpectedly evoked lots of emotions in me. For no explicable reason, I felt like crying. Pangs of guilt, sympathy, anxiety was coursing through me the whole day. And each time it does, my heart surge and pains me. My body trembled. It was not fear nor was it worries. Nothing to be extact but it felt bad. For the first time, I thought I am going to get a heart attack for real. It was like a piercing pain that ripped my heart, so unbearable but its effects continued spreading to the rest of my body. Logically, it is something like the epicentre and earthquake theory. Probably this excruciating pain is what that had evoked from my indulgence of self-pity. Or was it from Soyabean? I picture myself in a pall of gloom that hung over everywhere that I have swept past.
The sunlight fades into a room of darkness, the colorful flowers wilts and the ominous clouds follows.
I opened my eyes and it dawned on me on how this world had becomes. It is so ugly.
Reality hit me hard. I am unable to accept this tragic truth.
I felt like letting this go but I just couldn't.
Labels: soyabean
I don't like it when we are caught in a situation like that. I hate this! I don't like it when you do that, I really don't and I hope that you could just stop it. Your actions contradicts itself and I have absolutely no idea what are you trying to lead me into. You get it?
